Questions to ask a babysitter before the first booking

We've got no family nearby, so a night out means someone else minding our two. A cleared Working With Children Check means nothing on the state's records rules the sitter out, and I'm glad of it. It just can't tell me whether they'll notice when one of mine goes quiet.

The rest is down to me, and it fits in one conversation before we go out. I ask a babysitter the same handful of questions every time, and listen to how they answer as much as what they say. If you haven't got anyone to ask yet, have a look at babysitters in Sydney, or where to start looking for a babysitter in Sydney.

Start with the part that is checkable

If they hold a Check, I look it up before anything else. It's free and takes me about two minutes with how to check a babysitter's WWCC open beside it. Then I can stop thinking about records and work out whether they'll suit us.

Not every casual sitter has one. In most states, a sitter you've booked privately to mind the kids in your own home doesn't legally need a Check. That line's drawn on purpose, and the difference between a babysitter and a nanny goes through where it sits. I still ask.

The five questions worth asking

I send these five to any babysitter in one message. It's easier on the sitter, and I learn something before I've even read the answers: whether they come back the same day, and whether they've answered all five or only the easy one.

Everyone wants to ask how many years they've been babysitting, but six years minding school-age kids won't have taught anyone much about a baby. So I ask about ages, and I listen for whether they can tell a two-year-old from a four-year-old.

The night that didn't go to plan is the one I'd keep if I could only ask one. I'm not fishing for a disaster, and the story's usually pretty ordinary. What I want to hear is whether they can talk about a hard evening without drama and without pretending it was fine.

For the bedtime one I describe ours, where my toddler climbs out of the cot twice before giving in. Someone experienced will tell you the first thing they'd try, and what they'd do when it doesn't work. Someone who hasn't done it tends to reassure you instead of giving you a plan.

The last one isn't a safety question, and it's the one most parents skip. If a sitter's vague about getting home from ours at eleven at night, they'll probably cancel, or they'll be watching the clock from nine. I sort it out before I book and put the rate in the same message, and babysitter rates in Sydney covers what's normal to pay.

What a good answer sounds like

Good answers are specific, and there's an actual child in them. Something like a four-year-old who wouldn't go to sleep unless the hall light stayed on, so the sitter started switching it on before the bath. "I'm great with kids, they always love me" is the other kind: it's all about the sitter, and there isn't a kid anywhere in it.

The answer that bothers me is that nothing's ever gone wrong. Anyone who sits regularly has had a nappy give out or a parent walk in two hours late. Either they haven't done much of it or they're telling me what they think I want to hear, and I want to know which before I book.

I also listen to how they talk about the hard kids. A sitter who still sounds fond of the one who gave them a rough night is the one I want minding mine.

What to ask a babysitter's references

I ask a babysitter's references how they know the sitter, what's gone wrong and whether they'd book them again. Ask over the phone where you can. It's five minutes, and the referee has already agreed to be contacted, so there's nothing to apologise for.

For ages I asked for references and never rang anyone. When I finally did, the mum on the other end talked my ear off, and I wished I'd started sooner.

I start with how they know each other, because it sets how much the rest counts. A family they've sat for means more than an aunt or a netball coach. On AusBabysitters the sitter picks that relationship when they add a reference and it shows on the reference, so that question's mostly for names from elsewhere.

Then I pin down how much they've actually sat. Two years of most Fridays and two evenings last summer are both fair, but they're not the same reference. I ask how old the kids were, too: being great with someone's eight-year-old doesn't mean they've been tested by a one-year-old, and the referee only knows what they saw.

When I ask whether anything went wrong, I give them a moment. What I'm hoping for is something like a fever at nine o'clock, told plainly, with what the sitter did next. Asking what they had to ask the sitter to do differently gets at the same thing, and referees find it easier to answer. I'd rather hear one small thing than nothing at all, which can mean they barely used them.

I save "would you book them again" for last, ask it plainly, and then stop talking. If it's a no, I ask what changed. Usually it's a house move or the kids outgrew it, and they'll often say so before I get there. If they go vague on it, that's what I think about afterwards.

Hardly anyone says something damning about a sitter they liked enough to hire, so I listen for the pause before the answer. "Yes, all the time, they're with us on Saturday" and "yes, they were fine" are both a yes, and you can hear the difference straight away.

The sitter chose these names, and nobody hands over the family it ended badly with, so what I'm hearing is their best nights. A Working With Children Check is different that way, because the sitter doesn't get to pick what's on it. If the best nights sound good enough, I let the first booking cover the rest.

If a family would rather not be called, I don't read much into it. Some people don't want their number passed around. Names that never turn up, or go quiet when I follow up, worry me more.

On AusBabysitters a sitter can add up to five references, each with a name, how they know them, roughly when, and a phone number or an email address. Their profile shows how many, and the sitter sends the details by message when I ask. AusBabysitters doesn't contact referees, so the ringing's up to me, and when all I've got is an email address I send the same questions and read the reply the same way.

The trial beats every answer

I keep the first booking short and stay close enough to get back quickly, usually an hour with a coffee up the road. I'm not there to supervise. It's meant to be low-stakes for everyone, and the first time we did it I sat facing the café door the whole hour and barely touched my coffee.

Mine aren't up to a debrief yet, so I watch what turns up the next day. When my toddler was still singing the sitter's bath song at breakfast, I didn't need to ask anything. With older kids, ask what they did. "Did you like them?" only ever gets a yes, and the details a child volunteers about an adult they enjoyed are hard to fake.

When we get home I check whether the things I asked for actually happened. A sitter who wrote down the bedtime I gave them and kept to it within ten minutes is one I'll book again.

What we check, and what we leave to you

A verified badge on AusBabysitters means two things. We ran the sitter's WWCC check ourselves with the register in the state that issued it, on a date we record. We also matched their government photo ID to a selfie, and the name and date of birth on the ID have to match the WWCC details they gave us. That's the whole claim, and what the verified badge covers has the detail.

We don't check references, first aid certificates or the years of experience on a profile. Those show as the sitter's own claims, labelled that way. No badge means at least one of those two checks hasn't been confirmed, and the profile says which one where the badge would sit. Every sitter starts out without one.

I ask every one of these questions whether there's a badge on the profile or not.